I'm Addicted....

I am utterly addicted to knitting.  I fear this blog might take on the form of a chronology of my knitting projects.  Apologies, but as I never really laid out guidelines per say for the blog, you can't truly be mad at me.  It's already pretty ADD as it is... just add one more branch of conversation to the concoction.  

Knitting was a craft I'd always wanted to learn, but just didn't know how to correctly start down the path.  A craft that my mom had done as a youth and constantly told me she would show me (much as what happened with learning to play the guitar).  A group of my <ahem> nerdier and more awesome friends started knitting in what seemed like a mass of creativity.  We would meet up for breakfast somewhere and they would all have their yarn and paraphernalia.  I wanted to learn DAMNIT!  So I asked a friend how she had learned.   Youtube.com.   

About a week later I talked my mom into taking me to Joann's and I bought my first knitting needles and a huge skein of black yarn.  Went home, set myself up in front of the computer and started watching video tutorials.  Try and fail and try again.  I eventually got the knit stitch and started to go like a bat outta hell.  Well, kind of...  There were plenty of dropped stitches, accidental double stitches, and quite a few combined stitches. But I just kept going with it.  And before too long, I had a large black mass of knitted yarn.  It was too small to be a blanket and much to large to be a scarf, but I had knitted it!  And that was what counts.  

After that, the bug slightly nibbled on the back of my neck.  I started a scarf project with four colors and it ended up being more work then anticipated so I lost my thrill of it.  I put it in the closet, just another one of many failed projects I lose interest in after awhile.  

It wasn't until a Saturday morning, sitting at a local dive bar waiting for the college football games to start... that the pesky little bug in the back of my mind decided to attack!  I had to have something to do with my hands.  I dragged my boy around Target in the hope I would find something cheap that I could do sitting at a bar for the next 5 or more hours.  Nothing!  Then it struck me.  The light bulb hovering above my head light up so bright and quick it exploded.  Joann's!  It was right next door.  So I went and got a skein of yarn and a set of needles.  We went back to the bar and I started knitting.  About two weeks later I had a scarf (pictured below on the left).  A friend asked me to make her one (below on the right, pictured right after finishing the last stitch at the bar that started it all).  And my piece de resistance, the middle picture, soft, warm, super long, fringy... everything I wanted to make for my very own scarf!  

And from there, who knows.  My sister has requested a scarf.  My boy has requested a hat!  How nice it is to have a hobby that is calming and useful and appreciated!

All I know for sure is I will keep knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting....

Its all fun and games and then your computer explodes...

If you've read what little I have blogged... you will know I have some crap luck.  I have come to the conclusion that I am cursed. I am not sure which entity or diety or divinity I have pissed off, but life is continuing on getting crappier and crappier.

I infected the computer I borrowed for my boy with some nasty virus (I am once again lacking computer and wow withdrawls are starting to give me the shakes).  The cyst on my coccyx is back and in need of an appontment for removal (there is a 50% chance to get these again when you've already had one removed... so yea).  My roommate informed me she was leaving (this one might not be so bad...).  Fights all around.  Pain in the body...  I'm over it.

But ya know what they say.... at least you've got your health.... oh.... wait..................... 

Movie Time

It's Friday Night... I'm home alone.... and I've just watched a movie.  Gave me the idea to do a weekly movie recap of what I have watched.  Share the wealth for those who are looking for a good movie to watch.  Most of the movies I watch are Netflix Instant View.  If you don't have Netflix... well, I don't know what to tell you... 

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me in real life.  So this week I tried to find movies that would not make me think too hard or cry too much.  And in the process I found my favorite characters of two of my already favorite actors.  I also took a walk down memory lane with an old favorite and learned that no matter how bad the preview makes it look, some movies aren't all that bad.

Read at your own risk and don't judge too hard when you see what I have been spending my time watching...

 

First up, a random walk down memory lane for me.  I am all about animated features.  Rock-A-Doodle was one of my favorites as a youngin.  I probably have not watched it in 12 years, so I was very happy when I saw it on Netflix.  Originally released in 1992, it's by the same people who did An American Tale and The Land Before Time (both all time favorites of mine - even though I will always cry like a baby during Fievel's song and when Littlefoot's mom dies).  It has that same classic animation feel to it that makes you curl up with a stuffed animal and appreciate the good things.  

Rock-A-Doodle is about a rooster named Chanticleer who's voice brings up the sun.  When it's discovered that the sun rises even without his call, he is shunned from home and makes it in the big city as The King.  It's pretty much the best Elvis impersonation I've ever seen.  The evil owl's have a plan to make it night all the time, until Edmund takes it upon himself with the help of some other animal characters to bring Chanticleer back.

This was just a nice happy movie for me.  The animation is classic and nostalgic.  The music is all Elvis inspired.  Definitely a great watch.

Easy A was surprisingly good.  Emma Stone is a new favorite of mine.  Her sarcastic delivery of lines makes me smile... probably cause it kind of reminds me of me...

It's (very) loosely based on The Scarlet Letter.  Olive accidentally starts a rumor regarding the loss of her virginity.  The trend catches on and before she knows it people are paying her (via gift cards) to say that they had been a notch added on her belt. 

The cast was just perfect, my favorite being Stanley Tucci cast as the father of Olive.  He had some of the funniest lines in the movie.  Amanda Bynes as the God obsessed antagonist trying to get Olive expelled, even if she was a little too fake tan orange.  It runs in the same family as Mean Girls and all in all a good teener movie to pass the time.

 

I hate to admit this one.  I am NOT a Nicolas Cage fan.  I laugh at the ridiculousness of just the previews of his movies.  When I found out they were making a movie based on the segment on Fantasia that is known the world over I was skeptical.  When I found out it stared Cage I flat out revolted against the movie.  When I saw the first movie still of him with that awful mop on his head I rolled my eyes and said Hell No!  Does no one remember the travesty that was Haunted Mansion???  Alas...  it was on Netflix.  So fine... I will try it out.

I was pleasantly surprised.  Yes, Cage delivers his lines with a little too much melodrama (even for someone playing a non aging wizard who was apprentice to Merlin).  Jay Baruchel provides the tweener comedic relief in his klutzy wizard in training apprentice.  The plot line is your typical Disney main stream...  Klutzy kid likes girl, klutzy kid finds out he is special or magic or whatever (always accompanied by a mentor), klutzy kid saves world, klutzy kid gets girl.  We've seen it all before.  Alfred Molina really made it as the antagonist sorcerer. The magic fight scenes are fun.  Car chases through New York while using magic to switch up the car you are in.  Creating a mirror portal that transports into a mirror world. 

It may have been because I had NO expectations whatsoever.  You could probably say I had below zero expectations even.  Maybe it's cause I was watching it late at night and not paying 100% attention.  Perhaps it's cause I didn't really spend any money on it.  Either way, I have to say it was not terrible.  And that is making me hate myself just a little bit.

Benny and Joon.  I will start this off by saying I am a HUGE Johnny Depp fan.  I love him in pretty much everything.  I had never seen this film... and it made me love him even more.  That being said, this may be the favorite role I have seen him in.  

Depp plays Sam, a quirky unwanted man who acts around like someone of the silent film era (it may be my obsession with Charlie Chaplin that made the character so appealing for me).  He is pushed onto Benny, who already has his hands full with his sister Joon who is mentally ill.  In all it's a love story, but also one of acceptance and joy.  Depp has a little scene where he is playing it up Buster Keaton style and it was so spot on.  That along with Chaplin's dinner roll dance made the whole thing well worth it.

Ah..... Charlie Chaplin...  I have been in love with him the last few months.  It might not be healthy, but I don't really care.   Now... imagine Robert Downey Jr in the role of Chaplin and you have yourself one of my new favorite movies. 

The movie goes into the behind the camera life of Chaplin.  Starting out with him as a child, slum living with a mother slowly going insane.  Shows his leap from stage actor to screen movie star.  Goes into his marriages and sordid affairs.  It's a great cast, including Kevin Kline as the great Douglas Fairbanks.  This movie is based on Chaplin's autobiography so I can only assume on how accurate it is.  The movie itself is set up as a flashback as Chaplin is talking over his book with an editor.

Watching this movie came on the coat tails of reading Sunnyside which revolves around several people's story, one of which being Chaplin at the time of the war and the issues he faced with not fighting.  It goes into that a bit in this movie.  It's just uncanny watching Downey Jr perform as Chaplin.  It just absolutely became and new favorite movie as well as my new favorite role of Downey Jr. 

Well my dears, that is all from me for now.  Time to snuggle down with the kitty, put on some Chaplin shorts, and fall asleep for a new day...

Living With and In Technology

I hate living in this technological age.  Everything is connected.  No matter what.  And, yes, I realize the idiocy of venting this on an internet blog... thank you very much.

Remember the good old days, when you got into an argument with someone and you could slam the phone down into the cradle with that satisfying sound.  The person on the other end of the line heard a slam and a click and a dial tone and KNEW you were pissed.  If you were really pissed, hell.... unplug the line.  This came in handy too when you were horribly depressed and just wanted to forget the world and imagine that the world had forgotten you. 

Now however, in the age of internet and smart phones, if you want to ignore someone, its a huge process that unless you are really SERIOUS about not talking to someone, it's just not worth it.  First off, on a cell phone, hanging up on someone in a rage, just doesn't have the same dramatic effect you got with a nice big receiver hitting it's cradle.  There are times that I will keep on talking thinking there is someone on the line listening, when in actual fact one or the others phones has simply cut off.  No noise, no warning... just sudden silence and the imposing feeling that you are talking to yourself.  I wonder how many times I have hung up on some one in a rage and they continued talking as if I was still there.  Not to mention the only way to stop someone from continuously calling your cell phone until you pick up is to turn the thing off... in which case...there goes my clock... And I don't know about your phone, but it takes about 30 minutes to turn my android back on so lord help you when you decide you are ready to talk to them again... or if there is a sudden emergency.

Speaking completely hypothetically, of course, lets say you are having a discussion that turns sour with someone on google, gmail, chat, talk, whatever...  In the midst of the conversation you grow tired of the circling of words and decide to sign off on the convo.  BYE!  Close the browser and have done with it.  Seconds or so later and <beep> your phone gives off it's tiny notification alert.  Looking at the screen...  the person you just left in a huff is responding to your chat, completely ignoring the send off you just sent now it's being automatically transfered to your phone.  What the what!?!  So now, unless you want to scramble through the settings of phone and chat and figure out how to un-sync the account without destroying the phone settings entirely for after you have had your little tantrum, you are stuck...  Are you mad enough to not answer the chat?  Cause you know that person isn't going to stop until you respond.  Or, worse yet, if you don't respond it will probably make things all the worse in the long run.  Do you respond and possibly further the words and hurt feelings...  or do you ignore and do just about the same thing. 

It's a god damn double edged sword is what that is...

FUKITOL

You know those days where you just want to laugh and cry and run around screaming all at the same time...

Let's just say my day started with a bang..... By being rear ended at 8am right across the street from my work.  I have this instinct of looking in my rear view mirror anytime I slow down or stop.  It stemmed from two rear end collisions in my life as well as a general lack of trust in the entire human population of planet earth.  So I am in the right hand lane to turn right with about 7 cars ahead of me stopped at a light that had JUST turned green.  I slow to a stop with plenty of room and look in my rear window just in time to see a guy in the left hand lane swerve into the right hand lane in front of the car behind me.  I had exactly enough time to think, "shit, that guy is goi....."  and WHAM!  Right in to the back of me.  Tires squealing, metal crunching, neck whip-lashing.  I pulled to the side of the street and he followed.  He was actually quite nice and forthcoming.  I wrote down EVERY bit of information I could derive from insurance, drivers license, and car registration.  And we went on our way.  I was so shaken... literally shaking.  I've been in accidents, but never as the driver in a one on one situation with my accidenter.  I had no idea what I was supposed to do.  Perhaps call the police.  Take pictures of the damage.  I don't know.  All these thoughts were going through my head and all I could think was... god damnit, I just want to get to work... 

I don't like that heart pounding, hand shaking feeling.  Not when it is in a non controlled instance.  Those feelings are fine when I am at Disneyland staring at the goat on Big Thunder.  But damnit all if I want that on a daily basis and unbeknownst to my.

Now I have to wait and see how the guy wants to handle things....  but I can feel my neck getting tighter... even through the Tylenol/Codine I just swallowed.........................

Soooo....

...weary.  I'm just tired.  I'm tired of life.  I wish against wishing that things would get better.  Things aren't necessarily BAD...  they just suck.  I'm sick of struggling in life.  I wish just once, something would go easy... or at least easier.  When I first started this blog, I was unemployed and lonely and depressed.  Now I am just tired and weary and stuck.  I fear writing in this blog because I don't want it to become a woe unto me place.  But I think I just want to write things down.  I'm determined to make it through and write more...  so from here on out... once a day, you are going to be privy to whatever is in my head.  Perhaps a book review (I just started a great book by Erik Larsson), maybe a gripe over my day, movie reviews, maybe even some random stream of consciousness writing.  Who knows.  Perhaps I should change the title to Grab Bag of Emotions... haha.  For now, this thought process came to late and I am super excited to watch Chaplin, so that is all for tonight.... more tomorrow... you lucky follower you...  o_O

You know....

... those times when some higher power looks at your life and decides to take it and scramble it all around and spit it back out in some semblance of what your life was... but with changes that you aren't sure you are ready to brag about or maybe you want to just shove them back down inside and pretend they never happened...  That has been my life since I wrote last....  Just over two months ago...

There have been fights and tears....  There have been misunderstandings and pain...  There have been jokes and laughter and joy...  There has been not enough of some things and way too much of others...  I got a job... I quit Bikram...  My computer died and I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with my phone... I finally got "him" all to myself...  I've found people and finally let others go... I've renewed and rekindled great friendships with great people...

I know what I want and I am going after it... Full Force!!!  This truly is a new dawn, a new day, a new life... And I am excited to see what it has in store for me...

I made it through my first Bikram double

Another first for me today.  After all the things I expressed in my last post, and Shannon asks me if I want to take the 4:30pm Bikram class with her.  Keeping in mind I had already taken the 9am class and had eaten a rather large and delicious Hawaiian BBQ lunch... let's just say I was hesitant.

The 60 Day Challenge is not necessarily 60 Classes, one a day.  If you miss a class one day, you can make it up by doing a double on another day.  I had talked about doing doubles to make up for me more then likely bailing on weekend classes to have a personal life and whatnot.  It's the first week and I already KNOW I am missing tomorrow.  Sunday I am really only going cause my not-boy-friend is playing golf in the morning so I decided to sneak in a class before the Super Bowl parties begin.  Other weekends, who knows what I am doing, but I had kind of already dismissed them as non Bikram days.

Driving to the studio this afternoon, I started to doubt myself.  What in the hell was I thinking???  I was going to pass out, or worse... vomit chicken katsu everywhere.  Hitting every red light on the way, it seemed like the universe was telling me to turn around, return home, and watch The Tudors in my pajamas.  But I didn't listen to the universe... what's it ever done for me anyway?  I went.  I walked in the studio and there was Shannon with her happy smiling face with a place set up for me and kind words and tons of encouragement.  AND I DID IT!  The whole 90 minutes.  I did not once sit out a posture.  I worked just as hard as I did at the morning class.  And I feel great. 


And now... next time I miss a class... I KNOW I can make it up with a double!  I can DO THIS!!!  And I am doing it for me!

Holy Crap... I touched my toes!

Sometimes it is the little things in life that can make you the happiest.  Today, I touched my toes.  In the proper, straight leg, straight back kind of way.  This may not seem like much to most people.  However I have never been able to do this seemingly simple task.

In high school, PE teachers would yell at me, thinking I was being lazy.  I was 120 pounds and 5'5''.  When I bent forward at the waist, I could reach to just about below my knees.  I liked to blame it on how my legs were too long for my arms to reach my feet.  Haha.  High school thoughts are funny.  I remember distinctly a time when my PE teacher walked up behind me and without my knowing what was about to happen, placed a strong palm on my back near my shoulder blades and gave me a good hard push down.  I nearly screamed, it hurt so damn bad... Not to mention it could have done some serious harm. 

I've just gone through life thinking I would never be able to touch my toes.  And that brings us to my meeting Shannon and getting into Bikram Yoga.  Before I meet my dear friend,  I had never even heard of Bikram Yoga.  I had done one "normal" yoga class and honestly hated it.  I know I wasn't taking it seriously, but it just wasn't something I could ever see myself doing regularly.  Shannon told me to try Bikram.  She was all excited to get me into one of her classes so I could see what it would do for me and my health issues.  "So it's yoga, in room that is heated to 105 degrees... Yea, that sounds awful."  But hey, for $20 I'll give it a try.

I went, I tried, and I thought I was going to die.  The heat, the sweat, the smell.  The fact that she was asking me to bend in half and place my forehead on the floor between my feet...  Um... Right.  Half the class I was sitting and telling myself I was never gonna come back.  But two days later, I was there again.  It wasn't necessarily easier for me, but I wanted to try.  Really, honestly try.  Then my intro classes expired... and Bikram is expensive.  So that was fun for what it was...  And that was probably about 10 months ago or so...

After talking with Val, the owner of the studio, I set up a trade... I would work the desk for a couple hours a week and she would let me practice.  Awesome. Unfortunately, this was all in the midst of my hospital/blood clot/ health issues (So Here's the Thing...)  I had practiced, rather sporadically for about a month and a half, then was readmitted to the hospital for the second round of blood clot drama.  When I got out of the hospital, my leg was so swollen and sore I could barely walk and the limping affected my opposite foot.  I was a freaking mess.  I couldn't practice.  And I was OK with that.  I wasn't ingrained in the Bikram way at that point, so no skin off my teeth.  Val gave me December off and told me to start up again in January.  When I was ready to start up again, the unpleasantness that shall not be named happened.  I was out until the third week of the month. 

When I came back to it, everyone was talking about the 60 Day Challenge.  It was set to start on the 31st of January.  Basically, students are encouraged to take 60 classes in 60 days.  I could maybe try and do that.  Haha.  All I could think was that I hadn't practiced in over 7 weeks and before that my practice wasn't all that wonderful.  This might end me.  That last week before the challenge started, I practiced to get myself as ready as I could.

Now I am five days in.  It's been hard.  Making myself go.  Getting it into my schedule.  I am sure most of the posts from here on out will revolve around this challenge and what it does to me personally, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  So be prepared for that...

But hey... on the bright side...  I touched my freaking toes today!!!

Must be Bilingual (rant)

As if finding a job wasn't hard enough...  Many of the places advertising decent jobs require the applicant to be bilingual.  Fluent in Spanish or Chinese seems to be the more prevalent desired language.  I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but this is America.  Right?  The national language is English??    I feel that hiring someone based on the fact that they are bilingual should be included up there with other -isms.  Languageism should be made a real thing and then fought to be eradicated.  If you can't turn me down for a job based on my race, sex, age, etc, I don't think you should be able to simply because I don't speak two languages.  Don't get me wrong.  I would LOVE to be able to speak another language.  I took 3 semesters of Spanish in high school and college and it didn't stick in my brain.  Perhaps if I was able to use it in everyday use everyday it would have worked better.  But I didn't, and so it didn't and here I am.  If I was going to move to a country where English wasn't the national language (and let's face it, the list of countries that speak English is quite long) I would do my darndest to learn whatever language they speak.  I would not expect the locals or natives or whatever you want to call them to bend to me because I am more special.  I'm not.  It's their country and their language and I will do everything I can to fit in and live among them.  This is NOT the case with many Americans.  OK, OK, OK.. America is the "melting pot".  A place for people from other countries to come and live a better life.  But how do you expect to come to a country and not even bother trying to learn the language??  We end up with these factions in our cities, Little Italy, Chinatown, Filipinotown, Alhambra...  Places where groups of people of the same decent can live and work and shop among their own kind.  I don't mind you having your own places to go with people that are like you.  Just don't turn me down for a job because people don't care enough about learning the language of the country they live in.  If people are so proud to be Americans maybe they can put a little effort into it.

A Day in My Unemployed Shoes

7:15am - Wake up
8:00am - Alarm finally goes off     (note:  time spent between waking up and when alarm goes off is normally spent perusing the internet and playing World Of Warcraft)
8:30am - Start water warm up for shower after patiently waiting for roommate to be done with the bathroom
9:15am - Complete morning ritual, including showering, brushing teeth, dressing, hair and make-up
9:30am - Visit Anticoagulation Clinic at Huntington Hospital for INR test     (note:  appointment takes about 10-15 minutes and costs be around $180 every time I go in.  The real miracle is getting out before the 30 minutes parking time is up so I don't have to pay $5 for parking.)
9:45am - Rush back home to shave legs and get more dressed up for impending interview.
9:46am - Check mailbox for mail and receive letter from USPS letting me know that a letter was 'inadvertently damaged'.   Freak out because it was my unemployment claim form.
9:49am - Calm down.  Email EDD regarding replacement form.
10:00am - Leave house way to early for interview.
10:15am - Decide to visit mom at work on the way to waste time.
10:20am - Mom isn't working.  Get back in car and continue on to interview.
10:45am - Park at 412 N. Santa Anita Ave in hopes of finding where I am interviewing so I am not late.
11:15am - Realize that interview is being held at 610 N. Santa Anita Ave.  Rush to car, drive a few blocks north, park at business.
11:29am - Get to interview with minutes to spare.  Relax, breath, smile.  Nail it!!!  (note:  I do not know if I "nailed it!!!"  But I would like to think I did.)
11:45am - Conclude interview.  Return to car.  Drive around talking myself out of going places.  End up at Target to get toilet paper.  $45 toilet paper...
12:02pm - Remember to take coumadin on time (almost)
12:57pm - Return home.  Fix ham and cheese sandwich for lunch.  Return to computer in room for perusing of internet and playing World of Warcraft.
3:48pm - Become bored of everything and begin writing blog.  Write blog on how boring day has been. 
3:57pm - Post blog.

Back to Reality

     You know when you have so much going on in your life, it's just nice to get away from it all?  May I recommend doing just that...  This was taken from my aunt's property in Snowflake, Arizona.  It's 40 acres of nooks and crannies to explore, miles from anywhere.  No cell service.  No nothing.  I spent 4 days with my best friend, hiking, riding horses, collecting meteorites and petrified wood, shooting soda cans with rifles, relaxing, and not thinking about any of what awaited me in Los Angeles...

     Driving back yesterday, wasn't stressful... until we crossed that Colorado River and entered California.  Almost immediately... Gas was $1 more then it was just 5 miles back...  People started driving like assholes...  I literally reached the 210 and started having panic attacks at the amount of cars weaving in and out of traffic at speeds much too high.  Got home... looking forward to a glass of water and watching a movie to fall asleep to... Walk in my living room and there is plastic hanging from the ceiling (at least my landlord is FINALLY fixing the leak in the roof from our last big LA storm) and my roommate informs me we are out of toilet paper (but we have kleenex so apparently everything is fine)...

     I have been off the grid for 4 days.  No contact with friends or family aside from those I was with.  No facebook.  No twitter.  No email or cell phone.  I had been home for 15 minutes and already I am thinking about hopping back in the car and driving back the 10 hours to be back without all those things I thought I so desperately missed.  Even now... updating my facebook, twitter, and blog, like there is any one who actually cares about what I write here... I am laughing at myself for doing it.  I could quite literally move to the boonies of Arizona and be perfectly happy.  I would have internet access... there are companies providing 'High Speed Access to ALL of Arizona'.  I could keep in touch with everyone I care about and goodness knows they would all be more then welcome to visit me wherever it is I settle...

     Could you imagine it?  A house.  Acres of empty land around you.  A water tank and windmill and solar panels...  A generator for when those aren't enough to power what you have going.  A couple horses.  A couple dogs.  A couple guns.  A large collection of books.  What more do you need???  I could definitely live like that.

Finding a job... in this day and age...

     December 23, 2010.  The company I had a pretty awesome job with was bought out by another, much larger company.  New company decided to sack all employees but one, two days before Christmas.  Well, I thought I would have myself a nice vacation.  Take the week off between Christmas and New Year and enjoy myself.  I would find a job in the beginning of January and all would be right with the world...  Right?

     It is now January 12, 2011, and still no prospects.  Now, I'll be the first to admit that there hasn't been a whole lot of searching.  I am not desperate enough to be out pounding the streets looking for any old minimum wage, restaurant job I can get.  Not yet anyway.  And I have been dealing with a lot of health issues that have hindered the whole stomping the pavement in the search.  However, I have been putting my resumes in to "respectable" companies, looking for some sort of office admin position.

     The problem is, I don't want to go back to retail.  I had a taste of the office life... and I liked it!  I want to have to look nice and have my own desk and take actual lunch breaks.  Is that so much to ask for?  The only problem I have with attaining these goals, is that I have no "experience" in the industry per say.  So potential employers look at my resume and go... OK, retail, retail, restaurant, retail, customer service, no thank you.

     I know that I could be amazing at the jobs I am applying for.  Office assistant at an elementary school.  Office admin for a firm in Pasadena.  I just need some soul to give me a freaking chance in their office.  I have great phone skills.  Am ridiculously organized.  Competent with a computer.  I'm not an idiot.  Common sense and what not are in order.  So what gives?

     I'm bored.  I feel useless and unwanted.  And for that matter, grossly under-qualified.  Just because I can't speak three different languages I shouldn't even bother applying.  Nice.  Give me a chance and I will rock the pants off that office job.  But until I have experience I won't even be considered.  What kind of fucked up Catch-22 is this?

So Here's the Thing...

Since October of 2009, my life has been one big huge piece of crap.

     In October, I started having breathing issues and it was all down hill from there.  First it was bronchial spasms that were so bad it felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest with an ice pick any time I took the smallest of breaths.  UrgentCare gave me some steroids and an inhaler, and I was fine within the week.

     One week after that I couldn't walk upright or sit down without being in intense pain.  I thought it was from an old snowboarding tail bone injury.  Turns out it was an infected cyst.  A Pilonidal cyst (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilonidal_cyst) to be exact, or two of them to be even more so.  Right on my tail bone, like growths coming out the top of my butt crack.  Getting those removed was the most painful experience I had ever had (up to that point in life anyway, don't worry, it gets better). Not to mention the pain and antibacterial meds they had prescribed me made it so I couldn't keep food down for 5 days.  It was great in jump starting my metabolism and making me lose a bunch of weight though, so I won't be too mad about that.

     About a month after that, those same pesky and utterly painful breathing issues came back.  Only thing was, this time, it wasn't just bronchial spasms.  They sent me to the ER so I could have a cat scan and blood work done.  I had a freaking blood clot.  Three to be exact.  One in my leg, a rather large one that had made it swell up and become difficult to walk on.  And two, smaller ones, that had broken off from the leg clot and moved up into my lungs.  So THAT'S what that pesky breathing issue was caused by.  Hm, good to know.
That's me, 28 years old, a week before Thanksgiving, and I am holed up in hospital because of some slim chance disease for geriatrics.  GREAT!  I had a DVT [Deep Vein Thrombosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DVT)] and a PE [Pulmonary Embolism(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism)].

     They put me on Coumadin (Warfarin).  I had to go to the hospital every week or so to have a blood test so that they could make sure that my blood was performing well on the medication.  What a pain in the ass.  It affects everything in life.  You can't drink (I did anyway).  You can't eat certain foods that are too high in vitamin K (I never really ate those anyway).  You have to take the pill every day at the same time.  HUGE pain in the ass.  Ten months I was on it, until August 2010.  Then we rescanned the leg and the clot was gone!  GONE!!  Excellent.  Life was gonna get better...

     Well fuck.  Two weeks after the wonderful news, while enjoying my first Philippe's famous French Dip, my tooth began to ache.  Oh yeah...  Had my first wisdom tooth/cavity/tooth extraction all in one.  That was awesome too.  All well, had to happen sometime I suppose.

     November rolls around and wham!  My leg is swollen and hurting and I am back in the ER for that same damn thing.  Cat scans and blood tests and peeing in cups, oh my!  Well fuck my life all over again.  Last time they assumed, due to my age and birth control use, that it was a simple mess up with the birth control.  No more oral contraceptives for me, I can live with that.  This time, they have no idea WHAT'S going on.  Why would it come back?  I don't know.  Let's run a bunch of really obscure blood tests that even the nurses are wondering about to try and figure it out.  GREAT!  I felt like an episode of House, except my medical issue wasn't tied up neatly in a hot little Hugh Lorie package within the hour.  Nope.  I'll probably be on Coumadin for life.  All those tests they ran, came back negative.  They still have no idea what is going on or why I am getting these clots.  Some weird blood anomaly apparently.  Well hell.  Thanks alot modern medicine.

     December 2010 started a whole new batch of issues with my body and health.  Issues that I am dealing with right now.  I would go into them, but they are still to personal and emotional, so for now...  That is my medical history up to date.  And don't forget, that is just from October of 2009...  AND this is only my health, I haven't even gotten to the personal and professional part of the last few years.  I will save that for another blog.

My first blog ever.

Hello blogging world.

Let me just start out by saying that it's my first time.  I have no followers and don't really even know if I want any.  This blog is mainly for me to have a release for the tons of bullshit that has been going on in my life.  I have tried diarys and journals... and I never stick to them.  Maybe, now that I am all technical and shit I can  keep up with getting my thoughts on paper... or computer as the case may be. 

So read it if you dare.  Comment if you must.  Just know that this is more for me then it is for you... and be gentle.